Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Projectile Building Class


Our 6th grade class went through a brief and ill-advised period of shooting one another with homemade projectiles whenever our teacher's back was turned. A popular pen-barrel and rubber band crossbow made in the style of Mad Max could embed sharpened paper clips a half-inch into text book covers. Most of the class favored less abstruse methods; the most popular being safety pins stuck through an eraser at several angles. You tossed this loaded potato to your victim, and if they tried to catch it or simply didn't get out of the way, it'd end up stuck in their hand or through their clothing. I walked into the bathroom one day to find my friend Dan furiously washing his hands. The bottom of the sink was covered in blood, and he had a red Magic Marker sitting on the countertop. He was freaking out because his hands sustained heavy casualties, and he was worried that our teacher Mr. Hazelquist would find out and punish him. He was using the marker to color his hands red so that he could pretend that a pen had exploded on them. After he explained his marker plan to me, one of the stalls in the boy's room opened and Mr. Hazelquist walked out buttoning his pants. He washed his hands and said, "Hey boys," on his way out the door. We stared at each other for a moment before filing out of the boy's room and back to class. I'm pretty sure our teacher didn't want to deal with the hassle of disciplining kids. The projectile building and shooting phase ended as abruptly as it began. Some kid made a pea shooter that could blast cork board tacks out of a pen barrel, but he accidentally inhaled one while getting a really big breath to shoot a classmate.

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