Monday, June 27, 2011

Instinct Friends

I met a person a couple months ago, and I'm sure everyone's had this experience. It's a fine, kind person, but something about them makes you want to push them down a flight of stairs. There's an impulse to do something terrible to this person just so that you'll never have to suffer their company again, but in the interest of acting like a human being and productive member of society, you're kind to them. You chat, there's small talk and a cordial exchange of phone numbers or social media data. You think, "It's okay, I'll never see this person again." Then, a few weeks later, you end up sitting next to them in a car for a four-hour drive. They're smacking their gum in your ear and asking you to hold their shoes while they change their socks. How did you end up in this situation, you wonder? It's because everyone who meets this person feels the same impulse towards violence. Most of them are simply rude, but when this person meets someone who's nice, they latch on, and lock in, and you're doomed for life. From now on I pledge to become more in tune with my internal flight-of-stairs-pushing alarm.

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